… I still exhist.. sort of.. I’m sorry to say that I’ve been kinda burnt on the project for a little while and I’ve needed to put it down for a bit. I think it’s safe to say that if I pick it back up it will be after the holiday season so sometime in january, I might do some one off’s to blow off some steam but I wanted to give you all a timeframe. Like I find myself saying at work all the time… just give me the parameters to work in and we’ll do what ever you want. So anyway, here is a one off for you =) hope everyone’s enjoying their turkey and tryptophan today woo! 

Well since I’ve been a bad girl I thought it’s time I clued you in on what’s happening. I got a little burned on the current story and the relaunch which didn’t turn out to be a re-launch so much as a lets just through the old stuff back up..  I can tell you that I am currently re-writing the story, tweaking things, getting rid of somethings all together. it may be a while before I get anything back up that’s SeaGate but I’ll try from time to time to get silly on you. World needs silliness.. and possibly previews of characters I have revamped. Hope that’s acceptable, (all two of you.. phil and Ashley ^^ ) Sorry for leaving you hanging so long!!! thank you for sticking in. 

So I buy a Lap top so that I’ll be mobile, so when I spend a long time at my boyfriend’s place, say 4-5 days I’ll be able to work on things. That means packing this bad boy up, taking the Wacom, etc.. >< that also means that things get left behind.. like oh I don’t know.. my wacom.. Have you ever tried to edit a Jpeg in photoshop with a touch pad? it’s like trying to draw on an etch-a-sketch..  So I’m sorry. =( I could have fudged it, but I wouldn’t have been happy about it. Good news is the later in the story gets the better the finish on them was so soon I won’t need to make them consistent and I can get back to updating normally..On the plus side, I just got an Iphone!! it’s not hooked up yet, I bought it off my Boss who’s not the most tech savvy. She basically had it a month, hated it and handed it off to me after paying a hefty cancelation fee ><  So I got a 16GB for the cost of her fee! Now it’s just the cost of my cancelation fee, 200 thankyouverymuchsprint, and selling my old Itouch (which I’m kinda sad about, it was my christmas present but is now entirely redundant) and I’ll be yet another sheep on the street, but I wont care cause I’ll be one electronic less!!Anyway.. HAPPY 2nd anniversary to Phil (of cannedham) and Jackie Oliviera!! Woot! hopefully the weather will improve for you! 

I’ve missed the last few updates, sorry for being the suck, between a friend’s 30th, my mom’s birthday and my work issues, I’ve been a little under the gun. ><  Now I’ve my own birthday looming on wednesday and I don’t care so much.. well that’s not entirely true, but I hardly feel like making a big deal. I’ve spent the last year taking care of everyone else, I’m not about to put anyone else through making a big deal about me.. besides it’s 29, who cares. I’ve no huge plans, just a simple dinner with the folks and the BF and then a nice dinner with just us on my actual birthday. No one’s planned anything as far as I know and I swear if one more person asks me if I’m getting a ring I’ll freak.  Birthday’s are bullhickey. I’ve had few really good ones, it’s was always a weird time of year for it too. Almost always during the week, and always at the begining of the school year when everyone’s focused on other things. I also don’t make a huge deal, and then feel bad when no one remembers till the day before, because I didn’t remind anyone cause I hate to be the “hey look at me” person so it’s all just a vicious cycle.  Right so if you need me, I’ll be hiding under a rock, nursing my wounds with cake. Sweet delicious cake.  So to recap..New post is up,Vista+nvidia directx 10+FFXI = no gaming for Amanda.. >< wah.I at least get cake this week! (and then the BF’s training to help me work it off) My parents came through with an awesome family party! And my mom, sweetheart that she is, made me a checkerboard cake. It’s a cake that I required every birthday under the age of 10, maybe even 12..  YAY! 

We all have them, lowered, great, lofty, high, we’re setting them, meeting them, failing to meet them, exceeding them. Expectations  for and from our family, friends, work, lovers. With any given situation our brain works out how we’d like or expect things to play out. Then depending on whether those parameters are met by the situation or the other players we gauge our reaction. The reaction and the expectations themselves are sometimes reasonable, sometimes not so much. How you handle either speaks volumes about your character. If you find yourself constantly disappointed by people, then maybe you need to reevaluate what’s important. I myself have no poker face, so when someone doesn’t meet the expectations they feel, or rather, see it.  I’m not sure if I just have lower expectaions than most but I’m finding I’ve given up in a lot of areas in my life.  My work, my art, my friends. I’m tired of disappointing people and myself, and I’m especially tired of being let down by the above.  So having said that do I lower or raise the bar and just wait for the world to catch up? Not sure if I have it in me.. 

<<< This girl. Yeah that’s me, all geared up cause of the Lost Booth at comic con. Bless you internets for bringing me the you tuby goodness without having to fly to San Diego. All though there could be worse things I suppose..  I think the Mono’s finally starting to ebb, I’m able to stay awake the whole day and I actually have energy. The not being able to kiss my boyfriend part is really starting to wear on me. The fatigue/pariah induced depression isn’t helping the situation either. It’s been leading to all sorts of crazy conclusions including but not limited to an overindulged paranoia (yes MLB is trying to get me..) It’s just tough feeling that vulnerable, in general not my strong suit. I just gotta keep reminding myself its the mono, friends and loved ones are still there, trust in them, shut the f up you mental case and just ride it out. SOOOoooo looking forward to normalcy.. such as it is for me..  Trust. Remember to trust. Off to Arizona on thursday for the yearly conference. Ha I wonder what this year will bring. The cynic in me thinks it’s going to be a whole lot of “You suck field agents. Get better, we know best” Maybe not in so many words, they’ll find a way to package it so we leave thinking that we do in fact suck and that we’re the ones driving the company into the ground, how can we help.. Usually the way it goes. Oh cynicism you’re my only friend now.. my turning to the dark side is complete.